Fire and Ice
by Banffy Flora
Summary: Both lost, both alone, both afraid. Both thinking that the other is the exact opposite of what they should want...and yet, both realizing that they need each other.
1. Chapter 1

**1\. First fanfic. Have mercy.**

**2\. English is not my mother tongue. This is the best I have.**

**3\. It's always good to read praises, but critics are the one you learn from. :)**

**Enjoy! :D**

Taylor's POV

"Hmm. 11 pm. Not so bad." said Gail sleepily.

"I know. He said I can have tomorrow off."

"At least that much." she murmured.

10 minutes later I was in bed beside her. Gail facing me. For a few moment we just lay in silence.

"It's been a year. Something is up with him. Something's changing. And for the diversities sake, this time I think it is for the better." I said. But at the same time it was frustrating. You could clearly see that he was lost, and couldn't find the way forward. He worked more and more, and at the same time, he lived less and less. I wouldn't go as far as to say that my feelings for him were brotherly, but somewhere in the neighborhood of that, so I just didn't want to see him like that. It's not as if his moods affected my work, because he was the fair boss as he always is. I guess I just…well hell! cared!

"Yes. It may have been a year since he had one of those bimbos, but at the same it's been months since he was at Bellevue. Dr. Grey is getting desperate. She came here just last week unannounced in the hope to see his son. The whole thing is just…sad…"

Couldn't argue with that. Gail saw it, and I saw it as well. Hell! Anyone could see it.

"He is the living proof of that no one can live without love. And if he only would've accept it, he…Ohh, I don't even know. All I know is, that I'm tired of watching it, and even more tired of thinking about it. Can just someone give that boy a break? Can't he give himself a break?" continued her.

Well, yes. Gail's feelings towards Grey were similar to mine, if not stronger. But you can't help it, once you get to know him. He is a miserable idiot. But a good-hearted miserable idiot.

I remained silent, because really what is there to say. We all knew how he is. I noticed that even Ros cut back her snarky remarks around him. Like even she can feel the gloom he flooded from himself. Everything is silent in Grey House nowadays. Everything goes smoothly, mainly because the boss works ungodly hours. Which, the silence I mean, is not a bad thing, just an unusual thing. Because everyone used to know and fear the temper of one Christian Grey. But nowadays, it's just silence. Like he can't find it in himself to even be angry anymore. Of course it still happens sometimes, make no mistake, but it became rare. Suspiciously, fearfully, unusually rare. He became the dog that does not bark anymore, which only means one thing.

Sleep was avoiding us, and a little while later she started speaking again.

"On a happier note"…thank fuck for that…"Ana called, and said that she's leaving New York sometimes on Friday. She doesn't know when shell be here, but said that we don't need to pick her up from the airport. Which is fine whit me, since I have to cook for the weekend, and you'll probably be stuck in Grey House until God knows when."

"That is good." I said, being really glad to see her again. It's been long.. "Why exactly did she stop in New York anyway? Why didn't she came here directly from Sudan?"

"Because she had to complete some paperwork in the New York office." I nodded.

"You cleared it with Grey? He doesn't mind her staying here for a few days?"

"He doesn't mind as long as she stays in this quarter of the apartment. As I suspected." after a few moments she continued. "So, I'll cook dinner for Christian, and then the three of us can go out to have a dinner? You're free, aren't you?"

"If noting comes up." Which is always a possibility.

"That's settled then." She smiles.

Call me a horrible person, but the knowledge that she's here with me, and especially when she smiles at me like that, I can forget all the bad in the world, and all the fucked up, miserable life of one Christian Grey. And so I just smiled back my most sincere smile, trying to show all the love I have for her. Which is a lot.

* * *

We're leaving the office, and it's not even 8 o'clock. Unusual and rare, but it still happens. The one thing that is not unusual, is the mood the boss is in right now. This is the new norm for him, which is not that new anymore, since it lasts for more than a year now. Poor guy until than at least had a good fuck. Now he doesn't even have that anymore. It's been four months since we've been at that club, and even that lasted less than an hour. I remember the time when he and his current sub used to be in that room for a half a day sometimes.

Arriving home it's no surprise to see him heading towards the liquor cabinet. Another not-so-new norm.

"Sawyer." I said entering the security room.

"Taylor." he replied

"Anything?"

"Same old." he said leaning back in his chair in front of the monitors."You guys heading out tonight?"

"Yes. Gail's niece is in town. We're going to have dinner." I said, while reviewing some documents at the table in the middle of the room before leaving for the night.

"I didn't know that Gail had siblings?"

"Half sister. Carla. She died years ago though."

"Well where was this niece until now?"

"She lived with her father, a three star general, all around the world."

"Lieutenant general? Could I heard of him?" of course he's ex-marine, like myself.

„Don't know. Does Steele sais something to you?"

"No." he said absentmindedly, then turned towards the monitors, while I continued with what little is left of my work. I like Sawyer. He knows his shit, understands from a few words, and most of all, appreciates silence just as much as I do. "Female 5,40 ft, 110 lb, brown haired, coming up on the main elevator. She entered the code. Pretty too."

According to the description, this could've been each one of the fifteen women, but leaning closer to the monitor is when I see who it is. "Shit! Told her to use the service elevator." And whit that I was out of the door. Because silence, or no silence storms still happen, and his private space is something Gray is very sensitive of.

"I'm looking for Gail Jones." said the female voice in the distance. Shit again. Turning the corner I see Ana standing just out of the elevator with a gentle but cautious smile on her lips. In the door of his study Grey, looking puzzled, surprised, little wide eyed, but not angry at the brown haired, skinny, dark tanned girl. Thank fuck, because if memory serves me well, Ana is not someone who tolerates being disrespected, let alone being rude to. Thanks to the years of living among soldiers, she now perfected the art of bantering, and maintaining a poker face, and cool demeanor in almost every situation.

"Ana!" she turns at the sound of my voice, a warm, and if I'm not mistaken, a genuine smile on her face.

"Jason Gaston Paul Emmanuel Taylor!" she teased, putting her hands on her hips. "I swear you get younger with each passing day."

Yep. This is Ana. Always playful and laughing. Especially when it's about displaying emotions. Because then, her M.O. is jokes and teasing. Just like now. If I didn't know her, and if it weren't for her glassy eyes…

"Told you to call, or use the service elevator." I said scolding with an impassive face. But we understood each other. We each knew that the other is happy to see us, we just had different ways of hiding it.

And because it would've been rude and awkward, reluctantly though, but I made the introduction.

"Mr. Grey this is Anastasia Steele, Gail's niece, Ana, Mr. Christian Grey, our employer." with that Ana extended her hands towards him, her eyes looking straight into his eyes. No blushing, no lashes, no seductive smile. For all the other woman on the face of the Earth: is this really so hard to do? Grey narrowed his eyes slightly in interest, his demeanor cool, and controlled like always.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Grey!" she said seriously and firmly.

"My pleasure, Miss Steele." he said, amused if I'm not mistaken.

Ana broke the all to short handshake quite abruptly, and turned towards me.

"May I say hi to Gail?"

"No. you'll see her at dinner. Come, I'll show you your room." I said, and extended my hand to indicate the direction opposite of the great room.

"Taylor, it's fine. I don't mind, if that's your reason." and this wasn't something I expected Grey to say. Ana smirked at me.

Whit that I showed the way towards the kitchen, Ana following, and to my surprise Grey came as well. Entering the kitchen, you could instantly smell Gail preparing her Bolognese.

"Gail Jones!" exclaimed Ana cheerfully, when Gail wasn't even in sight yet."Have you got any idea how many times I've dreamt about your Bolognese?" Gail appeared on the corner, wide eyed, and grinning.

"Anastasia Steele! Don't come at me whit your big mouth, and snarky remarks. If you want my Bolognese, you shouldn't be on the other half of the globe all the time." with that they laugh, and hug each other. Yes, it was a bit different with them, but the hug was still short, thanks to Ana I suppose, because if it were for Gail, well she wouldn't have escape anytime soon. Grey and I just watched the scene.

Knowing the way to make Ana most comfortable is to joke and tease, Gail dropped the sentimentalism and did just that "Sudan agrees with you Ana. You look like a gipsy." They both chucked at that. She continued on a slightly more serious tone "So what is it this time?"

"I managed not to get shot in the ass, if that's what you're asking." she said in a no-nonsense manner. Yes, there's that. We all remember Syria two years ago. It is so Ana to joke about something like that. There's no denying the military blood in her veins.

From the corner of my eyes I saw Grey's eyes widen considerably, but still managing to maintain a cool and serious face. He walked further in the kitchen and planted himself at the counter. I walked further as well.

"What do you do in Sudan Miss Steele?" asked Grey smiling. SMILING!

I got a sudden urge to laugh. Now, there's this man. They say he's the most eligible bachelor in the state of Washington, if not the US. He's a genius in the business world, and despite being considerably younger than most of his opponents, being 32, he is respected and feared. And he's a good employer and a fair boss. I've seen dozens of women throw themselves at him. And I've seen him treating them like unfeeling objects. And now this miserable idiot, chooses to express interest in one of the few woman in this world, he can never, ever have. In this moment I realized that Fate is something to be feared of.

Gail and I exchanged a knowing look.

"I teach, Mr. Grey." answered Ana looking directly in his eyes. "By the way, thank you for letting me stay here." she continued with a warm smile.

For a moment Grey just looked at her, like she's some alien, when in fact the alien was him. "You're very welcome." he said almost softly, that smile still playing at the corner of his mouth.

Then Ana, like she remembered that she's not supposed to be kind to his man, give him a short and tight smile, and turned towards Gail. "Give me a bite, and then I'll be out of here. I wouldn't like to disturb."

"You're not disturbing." said Grey suddenly. "In fact…" he continued in his usual cold and controlled manner, standing abruptly from the counter "…I'll leave you to enjoy your dinner. I need to go out, something came up." This last part he said towards me. With that he grabbed his car keys and was out of the door. As of late it wasn't unusual of him to go out alone in the evening, doing God knows what. He preferred his morning runs to do alone as well.

We all stared after him for a moment, but no one said anything. Personally I didn't know what to make out of it, but I gave up a long time ago figuring out that man.

After that, we took the sauce and the spaghetti in our quarter and had a nice dinner. We talked about everything, but mostly we listened to Ana talking about her experiences. I've always admired the way she was thinking. She is so mature and knowledgeable for being only 24. I can only hope that Sophie turns out to be the same. And the way his father raised her…I don't know if I will be capable to do the same thing, but seeing the result, I get more and more determined to try. I start to realize that this is the only way to raise a strong and independent young woman.


	2. Chapter 2

Christian POV

Once, like six months ago I was sitting in a coffeehouse drinking my coffee, and eating my croissant after my morning run. The waitress, an average woman around her 30's, came over to me to pour me more coffee. She started talking about random things. She didn't seem to recognize me, so I didn't mind since I enjoyed the anonymity.

"You know dear, you look so much like my son. It's your forehead. One look at you, and one can instantly see that you're smart. He has forehead like yours, although he's just 8. He's a so called idiot-savant. You know what that is? I didn't know either, until the psychologists explained to me." and so she went on about his son, who is a genius in everything mathematics, but at the same time is autistic, and his other abilities are almost nonexistent. So his chances of a successful future are slim, since ordinary teachers can't even teach him to read or write. "Of course there are special educational programs, and schools, but dear, since you don't seem like a stupid man, you must know that everything in this world works by money." she laugh bitterly at her on sarcastic remark. I gave a small smile. "The worst is that he doesn't even like me touching him, he doesn't like me hugging him, like he doesn't need my love, or…" by the end her voice trembled, and her hands were shaking. Abruptly she turned on her heels and disappeared in the kitchen.

I was just staring after her.

On my way out of the coffee house I asked the name of the waitress from a colleague of her. Evelyn Gilbert. In Grey House I made a phone call with Alexander Welch, whose job description must be the most complex and complicated one, from all of my 40000 employees. By the end of the day news of a scholarship waited for one Tim Gilbert.

Now, sitting in my home office I hold a drawing in my hand, which arrived today in Grey House. On the drawing there's a woman, holding the hand of little boy. Both smiling. At the side of the drawing there's another man. He's dressed in suit, has red hair, and is standing in the background. When I first saw it I almost laugh. Almost.

There's an inscription at the bottom whit unsure and irregular letters: _Thank you!_

My thoughts are philosophical. Ridiculous, pathetic, chaotic, but philosophical nonetheless: _What is the meaning of life? And is this all I got out of it? _

Thank fuck for the ping of the elevator, and that I didn't have to follow through with these thoughts. I rose from my desk, heading towards the door, wondering who that might be.

Out walks of the elevator a brown haired woman, still just a girl really. Skinny, disturbingly so, with beautiful Creole skin, white sleeveless shirt and khaki pants. Yes, I noticed all this. But the thing that drew me in completely was her warm brown eyes, that fitted perfectly on het doll-like, symmetric face.

She was looking at me litte wide eyed, almost scared, but at the same time like I was a …human being. Nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Just a man who can be approached, who can be touched, who can be deciphered, who you can get close to.

I didn't even know how I reacted, I was so lost in my thoughts.

She was a little at a lost as well, but she was the first to break the silence. "I'm looking for Gail Jones." _Gail?_ By the time I could've answer, Taylor appeared out of the security room.

"Ana." _Ana?_

_Oh, what the fuck? Am I in parrot mode? _

Gaston? Paul? Emmanuel? What the fuck? I almost laugh out loud. He won't easily live this down. Her teasing was endearing. Something to smile at. You could tell it was out of love. Her voice dripping of sarcasm, but gentle, and smooth. And it was definitely amusing seeing Taylor kind of blush.

And then she was introduced to me. Anastasia Steele. Her arms extended. Towards me. _I really should get my shit together._

Her small, cold hands in my large, warm ones. She freed her hands all too soon. Like they were burned, and she turned away from me.

Gail. Of course. Of course she can see Gail. We headed towards the kitchen. I somewhat felt like an intruder going with them, but hell, this was my apartment.

She spoke to Gail in the same manner. There wasn't big sentimental displays of affection, no big words, and thank God no tears. But you could tell that they were close. I don't think I've ever seen Gail this freed, or laid back.

Hearing their exchange I found myself wishing I had someone who would spoke to me in this manner. Who would tease me, laugh with me. I wouldn't even mind if they would laugh at me. Most honestly, I wouldn't mind if that someone would be this warm eyed, beautiful smiled girl.

I was in the middle of these honestly quite disturbing thoughts, when I fell from one shock to the other. Sudan? SHOT? You honestly want to tell me that this girl, this tiny framed, 5,40 ft girl was shot? By a gun?

Who is this girl? What does she do? What happened to her? Where was she until now? Why the fuck do I care?

I found myself walking closer, wanting to hear everything. Sitting on the barstool, I couldn't help but ask her. Mostly because I wanted her look at me again. Like that. Like she knows me. I'm telling myself that I want this because I want to figure out why does she make me feel like that, so I can get back to normal.

She answers. But the look is gone. It's guarded, and gives nothing away. But then she thanked me whit a heartwarming, beautiful and shy smile, the most beautiful I've ever seen. I've seen her smile before, just now. But she didn't smile at me until now.

Again. I don't know how I reacted.

The next thing I know I tell her welcome, and I earned a cold, tight, dare I say fake smile.

I don't know what happened. I don't know what did I say. But reality came crashing down. I have no business sitting here, listening the way they greet each other, witnessing this family reunion. I have no business ogling this girl. What would I want to do with her? She's everything I hate in a woman. Smart mouth, snarky, a tease. And even if…she's clearly not interested. Not exactly a first, but very rare nonetheless... And even if she would've, Taylor would have my balls. Both him and Gail knows about how sick I am. I'm surprised they even let her in a hundred feet closeness.

I just want out of here. Every negativity, self-hatred, pessimism choose this moment to crash down on me. I don't want to be in the company of smiling, happy people, I want to fucking be left alone. I don't have an apartment in the sky for nothing. I feel the darkness in me flooding everyone, making everyone miserable. Exhibit nr.1 my family.

But what is she playing at? Is she playing the uninterested? Because at the foyer she wasn't this cold, this guarded. If only I'd known why on earth I even give a flying fuck…

I was looking for the warmth in her eyes. I only found ice. Well baby, I have news for you. I can do ice as well. I invented ice.

With that I was out.


	3. Chapter 3

**I made some changes in the first chapter: Carla is Gail's half sister. **

**I'm just founding my voice, so sorry if a few things are unclear. :)**

**Regardless, hope you'll enjoy! **

**Ana POV**

I just stood in the door of my room, my heart beat like crazy, and I had sweat on my forehead. I just can't believe that I'm actually witnessing this.

I'm clenching my fist hard, and feel an ache in my chest. I got this overwhelming urge to… I don't know….run. Away or towards? I don't know.

Isn't there anything to do? The screams, that sound…

Jason is sitting at the couch in their small and cozy living room, a glass of water in his hands. Sensing my presence, he speaks. "It usually is not this bad. This is as worst as it gets." I don't say anything.

After a few minutes, we hear the faded sound of the piano.

* * *

I'm a master of meeting new people. My whole life was about meeting new people. I have a strong and trusted intuition when it comes to get to know people. I'm not easily affected. Usually I figure out someone after a few seconds. I know how to approach them, how to talk to them, what to expect from them. Whether to beware of them.

Well, yes. Tonight wasn't my brightest moment in this regard. I acted all out of myself. Usually I asses every situation well, and act accordingly. But tonight, I slipped, my precious self-control left the house. As disturbing as it is to admit, but something about him caught me off guard. Yes, he's handsome, but it's not as if I haven't met handsome men before. Hell, once I spoke with a prince and did better than tonight.

Anyway, I try not to dwell on that anymore. Next time I'll be more prepared, if there will be a next time.

Laying under the covers, I'm still deeply affected by the memory of the scene I've just witnessed. Other memories of kids having nightmares flooded my mind. If you work with abused and disabled children, this is a common thing to see. Not that you can ever get used to something like this.

"Ana, about last night…" I was listening intently to Jason, while eating an apple at breakfast." If you happen to interact with him again, you cannot let him know that you heard that. He's a proud man." I figured as much. I just nodded. It's not as if I were to run to comfort him. Regardless this is another piece of the puzzle that is Christian Grey.

That day I was all over the city, reacquainting myself with it, after all it was my home once. I was thinking about going to the house for a fleeting second, but I dropped the idea just as quickly. As if I would…

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had this thought that it wouldn't be a bad thing for me, that people do this kind of thing all the time. But I didn't let that thought surface. Damn my degree in psychology! Without that I could just keep my head in the sand, and pretend that everything is all right. But of course, now I know it's unhealthy, (as is analyzing your own feelings).

Then there was the question of why exactly did I come to Seattle. The only thing that is left here for me is Gail and Jason. Since I was nine when we moved away with dad, I don't have any friends here, and I never had a job here.

I couldn't go to Dad to Istambul right know, because of reasons he could not name, which is no surprise to me. It's not the first time.

But I could've gone to London. There's Kate and Jake, or to Paris, where is Ginevra and the Beauchamps. Or to Naples to Dr. Romano and Alessandra. God, if I think that now I could be sitting in their villa at the sea in Naples, instead of carrying a fucking umbrella all the time. What was I thinking when I came here? Yes, I missed Jason and Gail, but they, correct that, _she_ always ask questions. I might have got off the hook last night, but I don't nurse illusions that I won't have to face an inquisition in my not so distant future. When all was over in Sudan all I could think about is coming to Seattle. I guess that in the heat of Sudan this cloudy, damp, rainy city at the end of the world seemed much more desirable, than it seems now.

God, this just gets worse. Usually I can do a few months at the same place, but for God's sake, it's not exactly 24 hours since I arrived, and I already want out? The next project with the UNICEF would be in six months in Guatemala. So basically, I have to find something to do for the remainder of the time, because not doing anything is just out of the question. But what? I can't go back to work with children at some random charity, not after what happened. I can't be that irresponsible. I know that most of the time I'm in some kind of denial, but even I admit that I have to get over this first. I know I need to talk to someone, I just need some time. Just some time to…I don't know…to not think about it.

Like that is going to solve anything…

So I was back at having to do something. Something, yeah…but somewhere that is not here.

At this point in my fleeting thoughts, I was sitting at the terrace of a nice café, with my phone in my hand, going through my contacts. God, I have more than 500 of them, I really should sort it out sometime. _Yeah, the same applies to my life. _

_Who to call? What to say to them_? I could call Kate. She is most likely is working on some assignment for the newspaper. It's not that she wouldn't listen, because she would. But in her universe everything is so simple, black and white. It's not that she wouldn't understand…God, what am I talking about? Even I don't understand…ehhh, what I mean to say that there is nothing to understand.

I could call Ginevra - I thought, and I realized I have a smile on my face. I bet the Parisians didn't know what hit them, that girl is such a force of nature. If I'm not mistaken, she must be in a Fashion Week fever right about now, which instantly makes me rethink about calling her.

Alessandra would just tell me to go there, since the Mediterranean sun is a cure for everything, and I just might be absolutely agreeing with her. But then again, she has her two little angels to keep her occupied and happy, and although I would love to see them, that is not what I need right now.

My thoughts wonder to Theodora. I miss her so much. Although we've new each other just for a year, she became closer to me than anyone else. Her quiet, attentive personality, the grateful, calm joy she lived life with, everything about her…I miss everything about her. She knew something about life I didn't, although between the two of us I was the worldly-wise, the well educated, but she was wise in a deeper way. In moments like this, I realize the greatness of the situation. The irreversible doom, that calling her is not an option anymore. But I don't dwell on that….

At the end, I opted for Jake. Hopefully, he is at some exiting part of the world, seeking for inspiration for his next exhibition. In my two years in London at the Royal Holloway (the longest time I stayed in one place, if you don't count the first nine years of my life) he, Kate and I were inseparable. Jake is a little older than us, he was 30 last month, but that was never an issue. While Kate and I attended classes, he travelled around the world and made photos of things nobody thought of doing before. He has his own gallery in London, and it's quite successful. Jake never tried to make a pass at me, his feelings towards me were strictly platonic, brotherly even, which made me being around him, being friends with him, extremely comfortable, and I just loved it. For a while, at least.

He travelled just as much, if not more, than me, the only difference being that at the end of the trip he always went back to the same place he could call home. For that, I always felt close to him, we always had this thing in common. Plus, he is the kind of guy, that listens, nods and doesn't says anything. Not because he doesn't care, but because he's not a man of words. He says that the greatest beauties and the greatest truths are always implicit and unsaid.

"Hey, stranger!"

"Stranger indeed, Rose." he said half smiling, half admonishing. I always had a feeling that Jake haven't exactly forgave me my sudden departure from London to finish my studies at the Tel Aviv University. It was a decision I made hastily when I learned that dad's been reassigned to Israel, so this way we could be at least in the same country. I haven't told them anything until the minute before the last. Until this day I don't know if he has any idea about the part he played in my decision, but naturally, that is not a conversation I'd like to have with him anytime soon (meaning: ever).

"In my defence, I was rather busy, these last few months."

"So I heard. Ana, Ana… You are just the same." How I used to love the way he says my name… For a few seconds, I didn't say anything. What's there to say? Nobody knew better than me, that I'm just the same. _I_ live with myself every day, year by year, not anyone else. _I_ know what it is to be trapped in my mind…

"Yeah, well. What could I say?" another pause, a pregnant kind this time. I guess he's waiting for me to say the reason I called. I can just imagine the calm ghost of a smile on his lips, while he's waiting for me to say something. That is what I need right now: silence, and no questions asked. "So, have I ever heard of the country you're in now?"

He chuckled. "Depends on how familiar are you with Eastern Europe."

"Europe? Really? That's the best you've got? Well let's see, seventh grade geography…I was in Madrid that year, it was a fairly good school, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Let's test that Anna-Rose, I'm in Romania."

"Hmm. Ring a bell. But what on earth is there to photograph?"

"Among other things, the life of gypsies. Your UNICEF really should do some work here as well." he said that last part silently. Yeah, I heard about the issue.

"You know what? I might as well go, and see it for myself." I said nonchalantly. "Could you bear the thought of that?"

And another. What's with this conversation, that it's filled with pregnant pauses. It's never been like this

Finally he spoke."Where are you Ana, and for how long have you been there?" he asked with a somewhat forced laugh.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said with feign ignorance.

"Right. But sure. If you'd really like to…I guess, why not?... At least you get to meet my girlfriend, Adriana."

From this point forward I don't know how the conversation went exactly. I was kind of in a daze. Jake had girlfriends before. Countless women took turn his bed, and I even met quite a few of them. But he never took them to his tours. Ever. That would've been way too intimate for him. Well I guess the world didn't stop for everyone. Some people are actually experiencing change. Positive change. Real change, not just a change of the address. And I was shocked by this reality check.

One of the reasons Kate, Jake and I were such a good friends, was because neither of us wanted to settle down next to one person. Each of us had their own reasons but the bottom line was, that in the end of the day, it was just the three of us. Partners came and went, some for shorter, some for longer periods, mostly for Jake and Kate, and that didn't change a thing. But now all that fells like the irrevocable past, something that's over.

Jake and Adriana were together for three months now, and he loved her. He said that. I almost choked on my coffee. I know it is hypocrite of me to be upset, that I don't exactly have a right to these feelings, because in reality I was the first to leave the trio, even if not for anyone else.

I just thought, that things would never change. That they, just like me, would be alone for a long time to come. I should be happy for him, like I assured him I am…but I'm not. I always knew that I'm not an exceptionally good person, but this is a low even for me.

I said goodbye to him, and gave him my best wishes. I just wanted that conversation to be finished.

"So I'm not going to Romania after all" I said it out loud bitterly, much to the amusement of the other diners.

I had enough of this day, and I just want it to end already. I just want to get back to the apartment, help Gail make some dinner, then…then do something until I'm too tired to be awake a minute longer, so hopefully the nightmares will stay away. My nightmares are silent, but very much lifelike, intense, and seem like they last all night. The world of unconsciousness became my hell, my constant remainder…

I stood up, paid the bill, and started to gather my things, when I saw Jason climb out of an SUV on the other side of the street. I watched him go around the car and open the rear door, for the impeccably looking, more than handsome man, with the most confident posture I've ever seen, who is coming out of a 20 story glass and steel building.

I just stood there at the sideways, and for a minute I looked after the departing car. Between my more than confused thoughts there was one clear and outstanding: for how many months could we feed the entire town of Karima from the price of his immaculate suit?


	4. Chapter 4

**Ana POV**

Not that I was interested in Christian Grey, because I wasn't. I just wanted to help Gail cook dinner. Never mind that I can't cook to save my life, or that I'm not exactly enjoying it either.

Through the years, I developed a kind of bravery, or you can call it recklessness when it comes to social interactions. Conversing with someone, speaking my mind comes to me easily. I don't know what's the explanation of it really.

I've learnt to be independent of others opinion. I've come to define myself outside of social connections. Have I? Because what people think of me, is not who I am, so as a consequence, with a very few exceptions their opinion doesn't matter.

I like to speak about the elephant in the room. I like to look for the truth, not the social norm, but the deeper, meaningful, basic truth. And life's too short to beat around the bush. Or in my case the amount of time you'll live in the same place is too short to waste time with pleasantries. By moving from city to city through the years, I've learnt not to waste time when it comes to relationships. Of course, there were people who didn't interest me the sightliest. For those I developed my perfect smile, and answers of the same pattern.

And then, there were the people whom I liked, whom I wanted to get close to, whom I wanted to get to know. With these people I was opinionated, straightforward and direct. And usually they responded to my behaviour with like-minded approach. This is the way I gained some really great friends.

Bottom line is, when I found someone interesting, I just went for it. I couldn't afford to go slow, to built a relationship in the usual tempo, because I never knew when we would move forward.

And there was no place for regrets and doubts, cause really, what's the point? It's not like I'll have to live with those people for the rest of my life. It's not like I'll have to live with the consequences of my actions for the rest of my life. What's the worst that could happen if you're blatantly honest? It will be awkward for a few more months top, and then you'll never have to see them again. And it became quite easy for me to just shrug off these awkward situations. I certainly didn't lose any sleep because of them.

The same applies to this situation. I have nothing to lose. If I want to leave, I can do that within the hour. It was a long time ago that I learned to live in a way that all my belongings would fit in a suitcase, and I can be all packed within minutes.

I don't own anyone anything here. There are no strings that would hold me here, or anywhere, for that matter. And at this moment there are at least six places in the world I could go.

So, in the full knowledge of my absolute independence I headed towards the kitchen to offer my help to Gail, knowing full well that there's a good chance, that, being Sunday, the master of the house is at home.

"Please Gail. I'm bored. I won't utter a word." I pleaded when she wanted to sent me back. "Plus, you all act like he's Nero himself and will burn alive everyone who gets in his way." I said it jokingly whispering. She just rolled her eyes, and motions for me to start chopping.

"So, for how long this time?" she started.

"I don't know. Depends on what Seattle has to offer." I winked at her.

We worked in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Where have you been this morning? You didn't say anything…"

"I've been to church."

"Church?" she asked incredulously. "Since when are you going to church? Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing. I just…just wouldn't imagine you like someone to go to church."

I just smiled at her stammering.

"Why?"

"You just don't look like that?" she shrugged.

"Why? How does one have to look like to be a believer?"

She just shrugged again.

I smiled. "I wouldn't have thought of you as someone who thinks in the box, Gail." then I added in a slightly more serious tone. "Anyone can be the child of God."

She just stared at me for a moment. I had to suppress my urge to laugh at her.

Then she recovered herself. "Believe me Ana, I think that I'm a very, very open-minded person." she said cryptically. I just raised an eyebrow at her.

"For how long does this lasts?"

"A few years now." I answered. I visited Gail and Jason twice a year or so, but in the last four years I haven't been here for longer than two or three days at once, so she couldn't have known.

My thoughts wonder to Theodora.

"You're full of surprises girl."

I just smiled. I liked to be full of surprises.

For a few minutes there was silence between us, except the sound of the chopping. But I knew this kind of silence.

"Have you been at the house?" _It didn't took her long now, did it?_

"No."

She didn't comment, bless her heart.

To fill in the awkward silence, she went on with her inquisition in a different direction.

"Anyone special in you life?" _Gail dear, stop feigning the nonchalant. It really doesn't suit you. _

"Which one are you referring to?" I asked smirking. She just smiled a not exactly honest smile.

"The one the closest to you."

I sighted, not really in the mood to play games right now. "I don't have anyone as of now." _Or ever._

Forever the considerate, she didn't press the matter any longer.

Sometimes I wonder, is this how it would've been to grow up with a mother? In what way would I be different today, if I had a mother, whit whom I could talk about these things. Whom I could confide in with my feelings and secrets…

I never missed a mother, though. Dad was everything I could need. Our personalities are so alike. Neither of us is overly emotional, and we sure as hell don't like to manifest our emotions in any outstanding way. We only talk as much as it's necessary.

At the same time, he was always present in my life. And not just physically. Although it was alien of his nature to discuss emotions, and deal with things a teenager girl deals with, but he always made an effort for me. He always assured me, that he would be there for me, and made sure that the lines of communication are always open. It was how it's always been with us, and I was contented with it.

"So, what are you going to do now? Are you going to continue to work for the UNICEF?"

"I think yes."

"Here? In the States?"

"Noo." I answered cautiously, knowing full well what her reaction would be. "It's Guatemala in six months."

She hesitated a moment before she spoke. "Wouldn't you like to settle down? To have a constant place to live?" She asked like it's no big deal, but I knew better. Trust her to find the heart of everything. With that intrinsic intuition that only a woman has, she somehow felt, that there's more to the story. In this regard, Gail was a fearful woman.

It wasn't that I didn't wanted it. It's just I didn't know how to do it. This lifestyle is all I have ever known. I don't think that I'm cut out for the regular life with boyfriend, then husband, a house in what you live for years. Not two or three, but tens of years. God, even the thought…

Great, and now she picked on my hesitation. "I'm contented with my life as it is." I said quickly.

Although I couldn't deny, that deep down I would really love to have kids. If only there wouldn't have been so many things that would make it impossible for me.

She just looked at me for a moment. "You know Ana, sometimes I wonder, what is it exactly, that you expect from life. You always say that you're content, but then…you…"

"What, Gail?" I asked, slightly raising my voice. "What is there not to be contented about? I have everything I could ever ask for. There are so many people around the world who don't even have a small percentage of what I have. I have more than what I ever wanted… "

"All I'm saying is that you have a right to feel whatever you feel. You don't have to oblige yourself to be happy, just because you saw all that suffering in those countries you've been. Mostly because that's not possible." she said a little forcefully. "And you know I'm not talking about material things."

And now I feel bad, because I snapped at her. Regardless I don't apologize. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know how. _See? How could I ever be with someone for a long term, when I don't know how to apologize? _

But fortunately, Gail is the most considerate person I've ever known. As if she could read my thoughts, she gave me a genuine smile to let me know she doesn't have hard feelings.

Few more minutes passed in a somewhat uncomfortable silence. She doesn't said anything more, thank God. This conversation was deeper anyway, than I ever wanted it to be.

"All right. We are mostly done in here. Would you mind cleaning up? I have things to do in the laundry room." I nodded that it's no problem. "After that you go right back to our quarter."

I just rolled my eyes. This is ridiculous It's like I'm infectious.

But she was already out.

I started to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and my thoughts wonder to the huge wooden bowl we washed the dishes in in Sudan. I might have been a teacher there, but I always had to have my share of the housework.

I was lost in my thoughts, and when I looked up, I jumped a little because he was standing there at the entrance of his kitchen, looking at me.


	5. Chapter 5

Christian POV

When I looked up from my sheets and documents, it was already 12 am. I was up since 5 am, and after a quick run, I buried myself in my study.

I rose from my desk in the hope that maybe Gail can provide me with an early lunch.

On my way to the kitchen, I silently congratulated to myself that I haven't thought of the brunette living somewhere under my roof all day.

So imagine my surprise, when stepping into my kitchen, I find there non-other, then the sassy niece of one Gail Jones.

She was dressed casually in worn jeans and white shirt, non of which were designer, or any brand of quality. Then I remembered that she said she is a teacher. I guess this is the only kind of lifestyle she could afford. Hair pined up at her nape in a messy bun. She looked beautiful, there's no denying that.

She was lost in thoughts, so she jumped a little when she noticed me. Well, yes. I might have looked a little creepy staring at her like that. But this is my kitchen, it's her presence that's not exactly indicated here, and this woman won't drive me out of my own home once again.

"Hi." she said smiling and completely unaffected. Not even attempting to explain why is she in my kitchen.

"Hello." I said cautiously, not knowing what to make of the situation. "I wasn't aware that you took over Gail's job." I said, while I sat down at one of the barstools. I was cautious, and was prepared that the scenario from the other night will repeat itself, as in she will turn into an ice-queen in a matter of a second.

She sighted playfully. "Yes, I wasn't aware either." she said with her back to me, so I could study her too slim, but nonetheless delectable figure. "But since I'm here, may I _serve_ you with something?" she asked sweetly turning towards me. Her large, compelling eyes, boring right into mine. This certainly isn't, what I'm used to, but just the more arousing.

There wasn't anything submissive in the _way _she asked the question, although the content could be deceiving. And it didn't go unnoticed by me, the way she stressed the word _serve. _Was she mocking me?

I slightly narrowed my eyes at her, like she's some strange creature I can't figure out, because she was, and I couldn't.

After a moment I opted to stand up myself, go around to the fridge and pour myself a glass of orange juice. While doing so, I gave her one single look, which I hope was an answer to whatever assumption she made about me.

"May I pour you one as well?" I asked politely, with no malice.

"Yes, thank you." she said as she placed another glass next to mine. Her proximity was intense, as she stood beside me. I felt it with every fibre of my being, and it confused the fuck out of me.

I wanted to ask so many questions, to know more about her, but I refrained after the first night's curt answer and ice-cold smile.

"So, I wanted to apologize about last night. I was rather impolite, ignoring you, and being so cold. But to my defense, you checking me out in front of my aunt and uncle caught me of guard."

I was never, ever in my life so shocked, like in this very moment. I almost choked on my orange juice.

"I didn't know how to feel about that." she continued while sipping on her drink. She looked directly in my eyes, almost innocently, as if pointing out something like this is the most natural thing in the world.

This was different from when other women made a pass at me, and were shamelessly obvious about it, because there wasn't one single fucking sign that would indicate that I have any effect on her whatsoever.

I slowly turned to face her, the distance between us two feet. I'm sure my shock was showing clearly on my face, but I just didn't care. She continued to look in my eyes expectantly. A long moment passed, and I slowly felt a smile creep it's way on my face. There was no end to my amusement.

No one…ever…not Ros…not even my family….no one challenged me like this. And it aroused the fuck out of me.

It took me shamelessly long until I got my wit together. But can you honestly blame me?

"And now you do?" I asked finally.

"Do what?" she asked with a frown. I liked that she didn't pretend that she is on top of the situation. When she didn't understand something, she asked.

"Know, how to feel about it." I answered coolly.

"Oh." she said, looking thoughtful for a second. "I didn't thought about it really." she said with a shrug.

I think in some way I caught her off guard. She didn't thought that I would play along with her, that I would raise to the challenge.

But then again, she couldn't have known, that I never turn down a fucking challenge.

"Would it help, if I would tell you what I thought exactly?" I asked with a slight smirk, enjoying the situation to no end.

She scoffed, and answered with her own immensely amused smile, while leaning her hips to the counter and folding her arms in front of her chest. "All masculine things, I can imagine."

I nodded. "Yes." I said slowly. "I thought you were beautiful." _Well since we are blatantly honest here… _ And these are my honest thoughts, I might as well own it.

My eyes widen considerably, when I saw a slight blush creep it's way on her face. This wasn't something you can feign. Who is this girl? In one moment she's cocky, the next she's blushing like a virgin? And I found myself more and more drawn to her.

I only realized that I subconsciously stepped a little closer, when the aroma of her hair hit my nose, and filled it with the most exotic scent of a pomegranate shampoo and Ana.

I cocked my head to one side, and smiled my most seductive smile, and decided to exploit her weakness. "And I think you're lovely when you're blushing." I said leaning suggestively closer to her. Hopefully unnoticed, I inhaled her scent once more.

She looked at me, her brown eyes wide, an incredulous expression on her face. Then suddenly she bursts out in laughter. Even her laughter was beautiful.

I couldn't imagine what she was laughing at, but that didn't put a stop to my amusement. Instead, I used the few seconds, that took her to put herself together, to stare at her unashamed.

"I think I underestimated you." she said finally, still smiling.

I chuckled. She surprised me again with her straightforwardness. "I think that, too." Then a second later, I continued. "So, have I risen to the challenge, Miss Steele?"

"Oh, nothing's decided yet." She said with her sweet smile, I think genuinely enjoying the conversation. Just like myself. "Although I'm above being a sore loser, so I'll admit that this battle you won."

I liked that… I liked that very much. Yes, the fact that I won as well. But that she didn't had some misplaced womanly pride in her, and that she could admit to her defeat was such a sympathetic act. It made her look just the stronger.

I laugh at her comment. "So you plan to declare a war against me?"

But she couldn't answer because Gail chose this moment, to enter the kitchen. And it was at that moment, that both of us realized how close we got during our conversation. And I liked that neither of us jerked away from each other, like we did something wrong. She turned away slowly, an amused smirk playing at the corner of her full lips, and continued her cleaning, and I turned away just as coolly. I grab an apple, and made my way out of the kitchen. "It smells heavenly in here, Gail." She just gave me a suspicious look, but didn't comment. How could she have known that I wasn't referring to the food. Not in the slightest.

On my way to my study nothing could've wipe the huge grin off my face. This conversation made my day. Who am I kidding? It made my week.

Yes, I'm very aware, that I acted out of character in there. That _that_ person is not the usual me. But it's not like I had to make an effort. It just came naturally, so maybe I have it in me to be laid back, and relaxed. Hell, maybe I even have a sense of humor.

That girl made fun of me, laugh at me, joked with me, TESTED ME! And I'll be damned if I can find it in me to mind.

I vaguely wonder, that the few years younger me, the angry, tensed, egomaniac, master of his universe prick how would've reacted to this girl. I think, that that scenario would've played out slightly different. But there's no denying that she would have had an effect on me at any point in my life. _Well maybe not any… _

Sitting at my desk, and thinking back to our conversation for the hundredth time…. the way her full lips moved, the way her innocence mixed with her slyness, the comforting scent of her hair, her laughter… It suddenly hit me: the look! It was the same look, that she gave me that first night. Not once she reverted back to her ice-queen self. She was mischievous and lively. Open and relaxed. Did I made her relax? That would be a first. And I can't tell for the life of me why, but I like the feeling. The feeling that she's not intimidated by me.

Yes, after Leila, the way I saw things, changed considerably. My whole worldview really. But I still liked to be this fearful, untouchable, unreachable master in the sky, who didn't answer to anyone. So what is happening now?

After a good hour of musing and contemplating, I forced myself to focus on my work, mostly because my head started to ache from all the confused thoughts, and unknown emotions. But I couldn't stop myself from thinking of ways I can speak with her again.


End file.
